Basketball and Cheerleading has started for my kids this year. I was my son's coach for a couple years, but this year I had to decline. It was a tough decision. I love basketball. I love this program. I love my son and the bonding opportunity.
Saturday was their first game. As I sat watching my son, prompting plays, and cheering on his efforts I started to cry. Just the adrenaline of watching was bringing symptoms to the surface and I ended up crashing that afternoon just from being a spectator.
I am so conflicted in emotion. Right there was confirmation of making the right decision. My body is just not up to coaching this year. And yet, I am extremely sad. I miss it so much. And there is some frustration as I feel like I have been pulled from the game and benched.
I was thinking about that this morning. "Why have You benched me, God?" I feel like I was playing the game of life well. I was executing plays, making baskets, assisting others, etc. It seemed like I was an integral part of the team and growing in my knowledge and application of the game. "What have I done wrong to pull me out?"
I started going through the reasons why a coach might pull a player out of the game:
~ not hearing the coach's voice whether because of the excitement of the crowd, self-absorption, or other voices are louder.
~ allowing another player to play that position
~ providing rest in order to be put in for the last quarter
~ giving instruction on how to better play, tweak a play, and so forth
There's other scenarios as well. And I wonder. "Which of these apply to me?". Ultimately, it doesn't matter. If I trust that God is good, that God is wise, and that God is powerful, the "why" doesn't really matter. If I trust God and His promises, I endure this season knowing that this is for my good (God loves me and wants my best) and for God's glory (that this "suffering" is not for nothing and will serve a higher purpose than just getting through).
And yet, receiving some personal, intimate ideas of why I have been benched has given some relief as well. I am not being punished - a good Coach doesn't play that way. I may have some behaviors that need refined, but I have a Coach that is giving me some one on one time to correct those. I may just have played my heart out the last quarter and need a rest. Or maybe someone else needs to step up and step into the places I can't play at this time. Maybe the game is about to get harder and being benched is going to prepare me for the "last quarter". I don't know, maybe it's all of the above. But like I had to learn in high school basketball... it's not always a bad thing to be benched.
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