Brokenness is What We Can Long For

I was recently given the honor of speaking at a ladies' get together at our church. I wasn't sure what to talk about as God has truly done so many great and marvelous things in my life. As much as I fought it, God wanted me to talk about my current health struggle.I was concerned that I have talked about my health so much, that people would be bored... that it would be irrelevant. But God reminded me that HIS WORD is always relevant and relevant to all situations.So for the sake of prosperity, I have copied my notes to this blog.

This particular chapter of my life starts in January of 2014 at which time I started getting strep every other month and some bronchitis episodes.  I kept pushing through homeschooling, being an Upward basketball coach, and training for a half marathon hoping that the summer would come and kill all the viruses and my immune system would catch up. Unfortunately by mid-summer I was dealing with much more:  vision issues, hearing would come and go, hair was falling out in clumps, I had unpredictable pelvic pain, my feet would turn blue even though I was not cold, my fingers and arms would go numb, I could hardly climb stairs because I often felt weak, when I got up from lying down or sitting I would get dizzy and almost black out, and this all cumulated to days where I was so tired I ended sleeping in bed for most of the day. 

My self-confidence wavered.  I couldn’t trust my body. My self -esteem plummeted. I hated my thinning hair, prevalent acne, and weight that wouldn’t budge. My self-worth slumped as I couldn’t meet my husband and children’s needs.  I felt like an awful friend as I withdrew more than usual as I could hardly handle just conversing not to mention any fun activities. Lie after lie embedded themselves into my heart, lies about who God was and who I was.

After several doctor visits and many labs, I was handed the diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, Abnormal Thyroid Function, Adrenal Fatigue, and an autoimmune rash. These explained many of my symptoms and with medication, supplements, and lifestyle changes I have seen some improvement.  Unfortunately , some symptoms are not going away and I will need to find a specialist if I want to continue digging deeper for answers.

We all have our challenges, our battles, our trials. It may be relationships, financial, or health conditions (that make mine look like a minor sneeze).  How are we to respond to them as daughters of the King? The Bible gives us many answers, here are a few that have been powerful to me lately.

1.To remember all His benefits as Psalm 103:2 says. The psalm continues to remind us of all He has done for us: forgiveness, healing, redemption, justice, loving us a high as the heavens are above the earth, showing us compassion, remembering our frame and that we are dust among so many other things. We are called to praise Him for those things! In the midst of dark times, I am to remember all He has done for me personally, thank Him for those and trust Him to work my good once again!

               

  Also, play the “I spy whatever is” game.  Philippians 4:8 tells me to think about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise. When my heart is churning out lies or negativity about my situation, I need to redirect my perspective by saying “I spy something TRUE” and then name something true. I then go through the whole list to remind myself of what God has done and is doing for me.

2. God places hedges around me  (Job 3:23) and He has placed walls around me (Lamentations 3:7). I definitely feel limited and constrained. I am not as active or involved as I desire. His hedges and walls force me to look up. One of my favorite names for God is Lifter of My Head. I’ve drawn that name from the song “Shield About Me”. Now I can sing it with the recognition that when He closes around me it’s not only for my protection but also when He lifts my head for me to gaze into His face. I yearn to see my limitations with the thought Psalm 16:6 denotes “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places”.

3. God gives songs in the night (Job 35:10). When I am feeling down but my heart hurts too much for words, I find music that praises Christ. These are songs we can sing knowing that He sang after the Last Supper knowing what was before Him (Matthew 26:30) and Paul sang while he was imprisoned. (Acts 16:25). When we sing in our tribulations, we also join the Lover of our Souls.  Zephaniah 3:17 says,  “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing".

4.Trials break us and brokenness is okay because it shows God’s power in our lives.

2Co 4:7-9  But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. Like in Judges 7 sometimes God breaks us to let His light shine through like Gideon and his army did to confound the enemy.

 Lyrics from “Broken Vessels” by Hillsong say,

“You take our failure

You take our weakness

You set Your treasure

In jars of clay

So take this heart, Lord

I'll be Your vessel

The world to see

Your love in me"

Brokenness is also for our good. It prunes off the dead so that we will be more fruitful (John 15:2). Isa 48:10  "Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction". We also endure knowing that He will bring us forth as gold. (Job 23:10)

6.  Know you have an audience and respond well to adorn the gospel. Titus 2:10 says, "so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior". Hebrews 12:1  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us".

7. Share your brokenness. "Grain must be ground to make bread" Isaiah 28:28 declares. This sounds like a fortune cookie, doesn't it? :) I love this excerpt from "Streams in the Dessert" : "Many of us cannot be used as food for the world's hunger, because we have yet to be broken in God's hands. 'Grain must be ground to make bread,' and being a blessing of His often requires sorrow on our part. Yet even sorrow is not too high a price to pay for the privilege of touching other lives with Christ's blessings. The things that are most precious to us today have come to us through tears and pain". JR Miller

It continues, "God has made me as bread for His chosen ones , and if it is necessary for me to "be ground" in the teeth of lions in order to feed His children, then blessed be the name of the Lord." Ignatius

And one more thought from there: "To burn brightly our lives must first experience the flame. In other words, we ceases to bless others when we cease to bleed."

II Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

May you be comforted by our God. May you share comfort to those with ANY affliction and be blessed.